Part Of My Journal #9

19 JANUARY 2013 . SATURDAY

*sigh*

Another day passes by and I keep wondering to myself

~When am I going back home?~

For the first time ever, I'm actually homesick. I miss home. I miss seeing my parents everyday. I miss talking to my sisters. I miss my brother's ~getting too old~ jokes. I miss my cats.

I wanna go home!!

Too bad I can't go home yet and I'm not even sure if I can go home next week. With everything that's going on right now, it just seems like I will never get the chance to go home.

~~~~~~~

20 JANUARY 2013 . SUNDAY

Yes. I know. I stopped short yesterday. I shouldn't have done that but I did.

Anyways, my sister and I are starting our plan for this whole youtube-ing thing. Since I'm going home next week, we might start in another two weeks. But, it really depends on the situation.

So, I hope you're all looking forward to it. I know I am!!

~~

Here comes the sad part.. . . . .

I can't live here anymore. Not with all these people who never treated me like I ever existed. When they notice how I'm changing my attitude, that's when they noticed me. It's frustrating!!

I kept up my attitude and now everything is back to the way it was before. They treat me like I never existed. I know it's wrong. I'm aware of it. But, sometimes I wonder if they even cared whether I'm here or not.

Maybe about three of them actually cares but because of my attitude ~which I only use when I really don't want to talk~, I don't think they care anymore.

*sigh*

I'm so messed up! What is wrong with me, really?! I don't get it at all!

I'm shouting too much. . . . . XP

It's ironic how I'm listening to Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne while typing this down. It's just purely sad.

I'm pathetic!

I'm going to cut this short and say that I haven't been myself lately. I'm changing into someone I haven't unleashed in a long time. I really wish this person would go back to where it belongs.

Where all my other characters go. Nowhere.

I want to go back being my old self. The quiet, shy, kind, loyal, etc girl again. I don't want to be this stubborn girl anymore! It's making itch! Literally. . . .

XP

~~~~~~~

Sincerely,

CKSalmaICM

So, All The Best And. . . 

Roger and Out. . . 
:D 

Part Of My Journal #8

18 JANUARY 2013 . FRIDAY

Hey! It's Friday, Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!

*gasp*

Rebecca Black!!! XD

Hehehe... Yes! It is Friday! I have something that I finally found after a while now. It's a song I wrote for a story I used to write. I'm thinking of re-writing the story but I'm currently concentrating on another story.

I'm going to write this song and I want your opinion on the lyrics... If you could, I would like someone to try and get a melody for it. I have one that I already think of but I'm not sure it's any good.

So, here's the lyric!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

SONG WRITTEN: 30 SEPTEMBER 2010 . THURSDAY

(GIRL)

Your voice was as soft as a whisper,
Your eyes always shine like the moon,
Your lips may have kissed me too soon,
Your touch was as gentle as I could remember.

(GIRL)

(*)
I've always loved the way you look at me,
And when you kiss me,
I'll know I am free,
When you caress my skin,
I remembered that memory,
When we both found our sweet melody.

(GIRL)

(CHORUS)
One night,
Means a lot to me,
I wish that you could see,
How much I miss you right now,
One night,
Was all I need,
To keep reminding me,
About our vow.

(GUY)

Your words can take my breath away,
Your smile is what I wanna see everyday,
Your laugh is what I love about you,
Your heart is what I want from you.

RE: (*) (GUY)

RE: (CHORUS)

(GIRL)

I've told you many times how much I love you,

(GUY)

And I've showed you many times what love means,

(GIRL)

Everyday I wanna hear you say 'I love you',

(GUY)

And everyday I wanna see what's never been seen.

RE: (*) (GUY & GIRL)

RE: (CHORUS) (GUY & GIRL)

(GIRL)

One night. . .

(GUY & GIRL)

That night means a lot to the both of us.

~~~~~~~~~~

Yes! That's it! Comment and critic! I don't care! I want opinions!! :D :D

That's it for today..

 Sincerely,

CKSalmaICM

So, All The Best and. . . .

Roger and Out. . . 
:D 

Part Of My Journal #7

17 JANUARY 2013 . THURSDAY

Well, my life wasn't very eventful today. Nothing much happened. So, why am I writing this?

Because, last night was the most peaceful, the most calmest sleep/dream I have ever had since forever. I slept like a baby!

I can't remember what my dream was about exactly but, all I know is that I was somewhere calm and I was talking to someone. It was just me and this person sitting and talking. It was just amazing..

*sigh*

I want another night like that. But, there's a chance I won't get it. It's sad knowing I can't even remember the dream well.

Anyways, that's one of the reason why I'm writing this. But, there's always another reason. My other reason is that I want to talk about what I've been thinking these past few days.

I don't know why but I suddenly have this urge to be a youtuber. I kept thinking about making vlogs, covers or stuff like that.

So, then why won't I just do it?

Well, I would say it's because my schedule is full of assignments to do and all that. Oh, right! You don't know yet! I'm in a university. I'm currently studying hence the reason why I'm hesitating about becoming a youtuber.

(A/N: If you want to know more about me or want to know stuff that I don't mention here, you can ask me directly.)

Anyways, I'm thinking of doing this whole youtube thing with my sister since I can't really think of anyone else at the moment and I'm more comfortable with my sister.

I still haven't told her about this but she'll find out when she reads this. Um... So, I'm not sure if anyone would suggest me anything but, I'm really hoping to hear what you think.

Should I start making youtube videos now? or

Wait until I finish my studies? (A/N: Which is by the end of next year)

So, yeah... Should I end here?

NO!

Well, hmmm..... Okay, I'm stuck. I'll just put in some of my past thoughts... But, I don't have all of these past thoughts of mine with me.. Some of them are back at home and I am nowhere near home.

This one is pretty recent since it's in December 2012...
 So, here you go... :D

~~~~~~~~

17 DECEMBER 2012 . MONDAY

It is times like this that I wished I was never the way I am now. It is times like this that I wished someone could have known me better. It is times like this that I hoped and prayed to God that he would show me a path. A path where I can easily walk but having tough challenges waiting for me at the same time.

My life is not the prettiest but it is one that you could learn from. I am not as pure as people would think that I am. I am far from that. It all happened because I was foolish. I was a child with knowledge that should have been known when I was older. Because of that knowledge have I become the person I am now.

Now that I've started this, I finally realized that the reason for my weird behaviour is not because it is my natural personality. It is because I'm protecting myself from further danger. I don't ever want what happened to me int he past to ever happen to me again.

Only now do I understand myself better. But it is not enough. I need to try to understand myself better so that I can decipher the truth. Why am I who I am now? Is being different what I want for myself? I can't decide.

~~~~~

Sincerely,

CKSalmaICM

So, All The Best and. . . 

Roger and Out. . . :D 

Part Of My Journal #6

11 APRIL 2012 . WEDNESDAY

Starting today, I would like to share my thoughts on everything.
Well, I guess I got right to the point. Actually, when I think about it again, there is two point to this unexpected diary of mine.

1 . To share my thoughts.
2 . To let you know me better.

I may never be the kind of person who could open up to someone easily. But, writing this down is easier.
So, here's chapter 1 to my story :

CHAPTER 1

I can't remember my childhood clearly nor could I remember how it felt like to be a little kid. Sometimes I see these images of myself laughing and goofing off with my family. But, those images didn't feel like memories. Instead, it felt like something that I made up in my mind.

I have a wild and active imagination. So, it's hard to tell what is real or fake. Above all those unclear memories only one remain clear to me.

The day my mother passed away.

I could still remember how happy I was at that time knowing I was going to have another baby sister. I could also remember how sad it was when I found out my mother passed away giving birth to my baby sister.

I was only five years old. Usually, you could start remembering things at this age. Or maybe not. I'm not sure. It was very unfortunate for me because I couldn't remember anything about my mother.

I can still remember what I was thinking when I saw my mother's lifeless face. I was thinking 'If I kiss her forehead maybe she'll wake up from her sleep'. You know, like 'sleeping beauty'.

But when I did kiss her forehead, her eyes were still closed. I was confused. I couldn't understand what was happening.

I waited for her to open her eyes but she never did. That's when I had the feeling that I am never going to be able to see her again.

I started to cry loudly. I didn't care if I was being loud. I didn't care if I was going to be trouble for other people. I just wanted my mother.

My tears couldn't stop coming out. I kept on calling her but she didn't answer. My father told me that my grandfather had to take me out of there but I wanted to stay by her side.

The last time my father told me about this story, he said that he wasn't upset about my mother's death. He kept telling us that 'everything happens for a reason'.

But, if you look at him closely, you can see how sad he was. He may not have shed a tear at the time, but his heart was crying so loud I cried along with his heart.

Ever since then, our lives changed. My father had to go to work but he couldn't just leave us alone. There was five of us and only one of him.

I have two elder brothers and two little sisters. I wouldn't worry much about my eldest brother because he matures fast. But it wasn't enough to convince my father to just leave us alone at home.

As days passed by, I was starting to convince myself that my mother was going to come back. I know it sounds stupid now but, it didn't sound like that to me back then.

An year later, on November, my father re-married. When I first saw her, I thought she was my late mother. I was happy at the time.

But I found out that she wasn't who I thought she was. I was a bit disappointed. But I didn't mind. Because when she came into my life, she reminded me of how wonderful it is to have a mother.

I couldn't realize something that simple until she came into my life.

~~~~~~~~

Well, that's it for Chapter 1. I hope that somehow my stories could relate to you in a way and not bore you to death.

"To have a mother (even if it's just your step-mother or a foster parent) is better than to have no mother at all."

Sincerely,

CKSalmaICM

So, All The Best and. . . 

Roger and Out. . . :D

Part Of My Journal #5

A little something from the past... :D

11 APRIL 2012 . WEDNESDAY

Starting today, I would like to share my thoughts on everything.

Well, I guess I got right to the point. Actually, when I think about it again, there is two point to this unexpected diary of mine.

1 . To share my thoughts.
2 . To let you know me better.

I may never be the kind of person who could open up to someone easily. But, writing this down is easier.

So, here's chapter 1 to my story :

CHAPTER 1

I can't remember my childhood clearly nor could I remember how it felt like to be a little kid. Sometimes I see these images of myself laughing and goofing off with my family. But, those images didn't feel like memories. Instead, it felt like something that I made up in my mind.

I have a wild and active imagination. So, it's hard to tell what is real or fake. Above all those unclear memories only one remain clear to me.

The day my mother passed away.

I could still remember how happy I was at that time knowing I was going to have another baby sister. I could also remember how sad it was when I found out my mother passed away giving birth to my baby sister.

I was only five years old. Usually, you could start remembering things at this age. Or maybe not. I'm not sure. It was very unfortunate for me because I couldn't remember anything about my mother.

I can still remember what I was thinking when I saw my mother's lifeless face. I was thinking 'If I kiss her forehead maybe she'll wake up from her sleep'.You know, like 'sleeping beauty'.

But when I did kiss her forehead, her eyes were still closed. I was confused. I couldn't understand what was happening.

I waited for her to open her eyes but she never did. That's when I had the feeling that I am never going to be able to see her again.

I started to cry loudly. I didn't care if I was being loud. I didn't care if I was going to be trouble for other people. I just wanted my mother.

My tears couldn't stop coming out. I kept on calling her but she didn't answer. My father told me that my grandfather had to take me out of there but I wanted to stay by her side.

The last time my father told me about this story, he said that he wasn't upset about my mother's death. He kept telling us that 'everything happens for a reason'.

But, if you look at him closely, you can see how sad he was. He may not have shed a tear at the time, but his heart was crying so loud I cried along with his heart.

Ever since then, our lives changed. My father had to go to work but he couldn't just leave us alone. There was five of us and only one of him.

I have two elder brothers and two little sisters. I wouldn't worry much about my eldest brother because he matures fast. But it wasn't enough to convince my father to just leave us alone at home.

As days passed by, I was starting to convince myself that my mother was going to come back. I know it sounds stupid now but, it didn't sound like that to me back then.

An year later, on November, my father re-married. When I first saw her, I thought she was my late mother. I was happy at the time.

But I found out that she wasn't who I thought she was. I was a bit disappointed. But I didn't mind. Because when she came into my life, she reminded me of how wonderful it is to have a mother.

I couldn't realize something that simple until she came into my life.

~~~~~~~~

Well, that's it for Chapter 1. I hope that somehow my stories could relate to you in a way and not bore you to death.

"To have a mother (even if it's just your step-mother or a foster parent) is better than to have no mother at all."

Sincerely,
CKSalmaICM

Lost Girl (#3)

Lost Girl (#3)

Hope you like it...

~~~
She looks up at the sky,
Just wondering why,
Another moment passes by,
But no one can hear her cry.

Her reflection shows no emotion,
As if she was just a creation,
That can never make an action,
That won't lead to destruction.

A gust of wind blew pass her,
Like a small reminder,
For her to remember,
That she will be alone forever.

Could it be?
That she will never see,
What it is like to be happy,
Or what it is like to be free.

Tears stream down her face,
She knew it could never be replaced,
That's why she never waste,
Her time with another pointless race.

Say all that you may,
But you will never take her away,
Nor will you be able to say,
That she can breakaway.
~~~

So, All The Best and . . .

Roger and Out. . . 







:D

Lost Girl (#2)

Have you ever felt so alone?
Knowing that everything is gone,
The little girl felt this everyday,
What more can I say?

She has never smiled a genuine smile,
Not even for a little while,
She can't bring the true side of her,
Not even the way she once were.

She was left alone to solve everything,
She was left alone without knowing,
How to live a life,
Or how to use a knife.

The little girl walked along the road silently,
No one have noticed her sincerity,
Towards all she has done,
That's why she started to run.

A song with a sweet melody,
Is all it will ever be,
A sad smile grazes her lips,
As she fell into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~

Well, there you go... Another poem... Hope you like it and comment??

So, All The Best and. . .

Roger and Out. . . :D

My True Feelings

I could feel myself falling,
Every time you smile at me,
I could feel myself smiling,
Every time you talk to me.

I don't know what this is,
But I know it's not a lie,
I don't know what this feeling is,
But I know it will pass me by.

I may not be able to understand everything,
That is why I 'm seeking guidance from you,
I may not be satisfying,
That is why I'm glad I have you.

I hope that one day I will see,
All I need is to have faith in you,
I hope that one day I will be,
All that you will need to come to.
~~~~~~
YAY!!!!!!!!!!

A new poem!! Ok, so I hope you like it.... :D

So, All The Best and. . .

Roger and Out... :D

Lost Girl (#1)

There was a little girl,
Lost in her own world,
Little did she know,
She has been following the flow.

She was not ordinary,
She is far from what she seems to be,
No one could have guessed,
What she had been through in the past.

She was helpless,
She was careless,
She was a child,
Lost in the wild.

Look at the little girl,
Lost in her own little swirl,
She could have fooled you,
Thinking there is nothing you should do.

Listen to her voice carefully,
You'll find she's crying slowly,
Alone in her own head,
Where no one can get.

The little girl thought,
She could have fought,
All her battles alone,
Now she's all gone.
~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoy it!!
Finally a new poem! :) heheeheh

There's more to the 'Lost Girl' poem.... So, stay tuned.. :D

So, All The Best and . . . .

Rger and Out. .. . .

:D