Hello Hoomans!
Another big gap in these posts updates!
At least it hasn't been a year since I last wrote something. I really think that I've lost my passion in writing but every time I start writing posts like this, it just comes naturally for me. I can just type anything and I always end up with a decent length post.
What does this prove? Maybe I can still write and I still have at least a little bit of passion in writing but that doesn't mean I can write whatever whenever. I've been trying to continue writing a story I was working on for a while now but I just can't seem to write anything.
I always just stare at the blank page and the story plays out in my head. I can't put them into words, I guess. But, I can do this -writing this blog. Maybe it's because it's my own thoughts. There's nothing fiction in what I'm writing. I don't lie about my life. I just don't give much away, of course.
I have seriously been thinking a lot about what I'm doing with my life. Especially now that I have just recently finished another job in the film industry. I can't keep working like this and think that it will be fine. I will get more jobs after this.
The fact is that I know it's a long shot. I might not get involved in this industry in a while starting now. It's not just because I'm suuuupperrrr tired from my last job, it's because I have only been working under one person this whole time.
No one else is offering me jobs and I know that ain't happening anytime soon. Which is why I'm here again today to vent basically. 😝
I don't have the motivation to do anything anymore. Everything that I've been doing these past few years are just to be able to support my family and I mean reaalllyy support the whole family. I really wish I could start doing something that I actually like doing again. That thing is writing.
I think for now this is all I can do. I want to be creative in my writing but after learning a lot about creative writing it made me think a lot and overthink things to a point I just put down my pen/pencil and stop writing.
I really miss those days when I write from the heart and nothing else matters. I would just write and write until I finish a chapter and be satisfied with it even with grammatical errors (a lot of it in those days) and feel like I've accomplished something.
Yes, learning about writing made me more aware of the things I need to consider. It also makes me want to write something that isn't just a mere writing but a form of art. It made me feel inspired and it filled me with so much to look forward to when I'm writing.
But that also made me disappointed when I can achieve all these things. When I realize that I need to put a lot of thought into it to make what I'm writing make sense in a fictional way. Sometimes it doesn't have to be fictional. It can be real. But I couldn't see past all these things and just write.
For now, this is all I can do. This post is as real as it gets. These are my raw thoughts without filters, without edits, without rewrites. This is real.
CK Salma
