I guess I was lucky that I was able to find the old version of "My Last Wishes". If didn't find it, then I wouldn't have a single clue what the story was really all about. So, now we finally start the main reason for this blog entry -which is the first entry for 2014 and the first one after a really, really, really, really long time.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 2014!!!
Okay, that's done!
I have finally decided that I will be writing whatever I feel like writing. Currently, I am able to continue writing "The First Phoenix" and I am also planning on changing the title because it feels weird. Even though I'm having trouble finishing the first chapter, I'm going to go slow this time.
I finally understand what my lecturer says about being too ambitious. I've always thought that I wasn't being ambitious about what I do but the reason I'm writing this down now proves me wrong. I have been more than ambitious with everything I do.
So, now I'm going to take everything slow; one at a time. The only thing that I am able to write constantly are poems. I guess it is the easiest type of writing there is. I have about 40 poems now and I'm collecting them all, editing when I have a spare time and writing more whenever I feel like expressing myself more.
Nowadays, my poems are getting more personal and it is truly what I feel in my heart at the time I was writing the poem. It might keep getting more personal from now on since I'm facing a lot of conflicts now. I don't know. One of the perks of being a wallflower?
Yeah, I've watched the movie and I loved it. It speaks to me in a way I never thought a movie could speak. Also, the movie can relate to me easily since I am an introvert; just like Charlie, in the movie. I want to turn my life around but I never had the courage to do so.
Watching the movie made me want to just take a chance and just do it. But, of course, I still haven't done anything to change my life. It's still the same. I guess there is nothing to motivate me enough to do something different in my life.
The only thing different about this year would be the fact that I will turn 20 in 5 months. That's it. I'm old! Is what I keep saying to my sisters whenever I remember I'm turning 20. I know. Pathetic, right?
I'm getting older but nothing ever change. It's just my age that's getting higher but it doesn't affect me in any way at all. The only thing that changes as I am aware of my age are the responsibilities I have to bare. I don't want to think too much about it but that's how it's going to be.
Okay, I feel like we're straying off topic or maybe not. I'm not quite sure.
Anyway, this year I'm just going to do everything; my novels, poetry or anything that relates to writing, slowly and whenever I really feel like writing something. If I force myself to write, it usually turns out to be not as good as when I just have the feeling of writing something.
Also, I have decided to not rewrite something if I'm not even sure what will happen to the story. "My Last Wishes" for example: I'm starting to regret ever thinking of rewriting the story but it did give me new ideas for the story now. I guess it's not really that bad.
I mean, everything happens for a reason, right?
So, since I have no idea what else to say, I'm just going to end this entry with the latest poem I have written.
Hope you like it. :)
I used to be brave,
Always speaking my mind,
Now I have lost my voice,
Left in my childhood.
I cannot go back now,
Those days are gone,
I have to walk along this road,
The road I never meant to take.
Regrets are way pass me,
There is no time for that,
I guess this is what it feels like,
To live in my dream.
As time flies by,
I never looked back,
Sometimes I wish I did,
But the wall is still there.
I guess I will never know,
What it would feel like,
To really live my life,
In this endless parade.
Take a look at me now,
Do I seem happy to you?
Is that why you never bothered?
To ask if I was okay.
Don’t let it fool you,
If you knew what I mean,
Don’t let yourself fall,
If you still believe in me.
Please take a chance with me,
You know what your conscience say,
Don’t let me look pass the horizon,
Because it will never mean anything.
I have no regrets, that is true,
That’s why I will say this without hesitation,
You may have known me from long ago,But you will never really know me from now on.