Part Of My Journal #7

17 JANUARY 2013 . THURSDAY

Well, my life wasn't very eventful today. Nothing much happened. So, why am I writing this?

Because, last night was the most peaceful, the most calmest sleep/dream I have ever had since forever. I slept like a baby!

I can't remember what my dream was about exactly but, all I know is that I was somewhere calm and I was talking to someone. It was just me and this person sitting and talking. It was just amazing..

*sigh*

I want another night like that. But, there's a chance I won't get it. It's sad knowing I can't even remember the dream well.

Anyways, that's one of the reason why I'm writing this. But, there's always another reason. My other reason is that I want to talk about what I've been thinking these past few days.

I don't know why but I suddenly have this urge to be a youtuber. I kept thinking about making vlogs, covers or stuff like that.

So, then why won't I just do it?

Well, I would say it's because my schedule is full of assignments to do and all that. Oh, right! You don't know yet! I'm in a university. I'm currently studying hence the reason why I'm hesitating about becoming a youtuber.

(A/N: If you want to know more about me or want to know stuff that I don't mention here, you can ask me directly.)

Anyways, I'm thinking of doing this whole youtube thing with my sister since I can't really think of anyone else at the moment and I'm more comfortable with my sister.

I still haven't told her about this but she'll find out when she reads this. Um... So, I'm not sure if anyone would suggest me anything but, I'm really hoping to hear what you think.

Should I start making youtube videos now? or

Wait until I finish my studies? (A/N: Which is by the end of next year)

So, yeah... Should I end here?

NO!

Well, hmmm..... Okay, I'm stuck. I'll just put in some of my past thoughts... But, I don't have all of these past thoughts of mine with me.. Some of them are back at home and I am nowhere near home.

This one is pretty recent since it's in December 2012...
 So, here you go... :D

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17 DECEMBER 2012 . MONDAY

It is times like this that I wished I was never the way I am now. It is times like this that I wished someone could have known me better. It is times like this that I hoped and prayed to God that he would show me a path. A path where I can easily walk but having tough challenges waiting for me at the same time.

My life is not the prettiest but it is one that you could learn from. I am not as pure as people would think that I am. I am far from that. It all happened because I was foolish. I was a child with knowledge that should have been known when I was older. Because of that knowledge have I become the person I am now.

Now that I've started this, I finally realized that the reason for my weird behaviour is not because it is my natural personality. It is because I'm protecting myself from further danger. I don't ever want what happened to me int he past to ever happen to me again.

Only now do I understand myself better. But it is not enough. I need to try to understand myself better so that I can decipher the truth. Why am I who I am now? Is being different what I want for myself? I can't decide.

~~~~~

Sincerely,

CKSalmaICM

So, All The Best and. . . 

Roger and Out. . . :D